


"Karen, Hit Send"

by That1punnystoryteller



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Flash Thompson Being A Jerk, Group Chat fanfic, He's like a little mischief gremlin, May Parker is a Q U E E N, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Natasha Romanov is a Q U E E N, Pepper Potts is a Q U E E N, Peter Parker Gets a Hug, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Srsly we stan all of them in this household, Steve Rodgers is a Dorito™, This chat is chaos sometimes honestly, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, Tony Stark Has A Heart, sorry he does nOt get a redemption arc here
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,460
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26456485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/That1punnystoryteller/pseuds/That1punnystoryteller
Summary: Underoos:  new phone who disYou know who I am:  bit too late for that now budMerida:  hello hello yes I am confused™#1BIRD:  your reading all your texts aloud how did you just say that-America:  you’re*Underoos:  Mr. stark if you put me in a chat with the Avengers then I will have full clearance to your embarrassing stories don’t test meAka The Avengers are Confused™ and peter’s a lil shit
Relationships: Michelle Jones & Peter Parker, Ned Leeds & Peter Parker, Nick Fury & Peter Parker, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Avengers Team, Peter Parker & Natasha Romanov, Peter Parker & Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Wade Wilson
Comments: 25
Kudos: 369





	1. New phone, who dis?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello there!! welcome to the fic : ) I'm really excited to write this, Its going to be really fun. Please comment your opinions if you have a moment to spare, I love reading them !! :D  
> CHARACHTERS:  
> Underoos: Peter Parker  
> America: Steve Rodgers  
> Magnet: Bucky Barnes  
> You know who I am: Tony Stark  
> Merida: Clint Barton  
> #1BIRD: Sam Wilson  
> Natasha: Natasha Romanoff  
> Dr. Banner: Bruce Banner  
> uwu: Wade Wilson  
> CEO: Pepper Potts  
> Enjoy! :D

-

Click

-

Click

-

Click

-

**You know who I am has created a group chat with Natasha , Dr. Banner , Merida, #1BIRD , Magnet, America, and Underoos.**

**You know who I am is online, along with Merida, and four others**

**You know who I am has renamed the chat Abengers Chat**

**Merida:** haha abengers

 **Underoos** : mr stark you did nott

 **America:** Excuse me, who are you?

 **#1BIRD** : ew Grammar

 **You know who I am:** Abengers meet Spider Kid, Spider Kid, meet Abengers

 **Underoos:** um

 **Underoos:** new phone who dis

 **You know who I am:** bit too late for that now kid

 **Merida:** hello hello yes I am confused™

 **#1BIRD** : your reading all your texts aloud how did you just say that-

 **America:** you’re*

 **Underoos:** Mr. stark if you put me in a chat with the Avengers then I will have full clearance to all your embarrassing stories don’t test me

 **You know who I am:** I _will_ disown you kid

 **Underoos:** jokes on u you'd have to ask may

 **Merida:** no no wait what stories

 **Underoos** : once he actually drank an entire cup of Dum-E’s motor oil slushee without noticing anything wrong with it when he was on 2 hours of sleep

 **#1BIRD:** Wouldn’t he have still noticed?

 **You know who I am:** I had faith in you 

**Underoos** : oh no it was for the entire week ‘:>

 **Merida:** validdddd

 **You know who I am:** wow, **#̵̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̮̳̩̳̥̳̪̳̗̳̹̳̄̉̂͊̉@̵̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̗̳̙̳̳̳̼̳̘̳̳̳̳̔͜ͅ*̷̧̳̳̳͉̳̳̹̳̳̳̖̳̟̳̽(̶̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͔̳̺̳̘̳̓͛̏̊%̸̛̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͓̳̮̳̳͇̳͖̳̆͊̈́͐̉͜͠** just go and expose me like this

 **#1BIRD:** whAT IS T H A T

 **Merida:** oh my god holy shIT HOLY SHit Satan’s taking over the chAt-

**Magnet has changed their name to SATAN**

**SATAN:** youre Next

**SATAN has changed their name to Magnet**

**Underoos:** wow Satan has terrible grammer

 **America:** guys what the fuck

 **You know who I am:** Language

 **Magnet:** Language

 **Merida:** Language

**Dr.Banner is online**

**Dr.Banner:** Language

**Dr.Banner is offline**

**Merida:** wow he came just to roast you

 **#1BIRD:** but like??? What was that???

 **You know who I am:** chill birdbrain, whenever I say Spidey’s name Friday scrambles it so Spider-man’s identity isn’t outed here

 **Merida:** thank Thor I thought we were hacked by Satan

 **You know who I am:** yes because _that_ is the only reasonable explanation

 **Merida:** duh

 **You know who I am:** wait where’s Nat

 **Magnet:** why Is this a Problem?

 **You know who I am** : she’s probably doing like really detailed background checks or something

 **Underoos:** oh no

**Underoos is offline.**

**Underoos --- > Natasha**

**Underoos:** hello Miss Natasha Romanov Black Widow Ma’am??

 **Underoos:** so… I’m going to assume you already know my Identity…?

 **Underoos:** Mr stark says you’re really smart

 **Natasha:** You would assume correctly,

 **Natasha:** Peter.

 **Natasha:** I know that you go to a high school named Midtown, that you started Spider-man at an age _way_ too young, that you got a 92 on your last test, that you live alone with May Parker, stay out past your curfew daily to go “Spidermanning”, and that you were almost responsible for many deaths at the 12 o’clock ferry.

 **Underoos:** oh

 **Natasha:** but I also know that you’re selfless, kind, have the heart of a hero, and that you’re important to tony.

 **Natasha:** and while I may not know much about your personality yet, what I do know gives me a pretty good indication on what kind of a person you are.

 **Natasha:** and that is what tells me that you, Peter Parker, even if you are young, are a hero.

 **Natasha:** and what kind of a person would I be if I to told you to stop?

 **Underoos:** aww miss Narasga rimanod vlack widow na’am!!1!

 **Natasha:** are you… crying?

**Underoos:**

**Underoos:** no

 **Natasha:** how about I pick you up and we go to the Starbucks near your school?

 **Underoos:** really???

 **Underoos:** Thank you miss Natasha Romanov Black Widow Ma’am! :D

 **Natasha:** Sure thing, Mr. Peter Parker Spider-man.

 **Underoos:** Call me peter :>

 **Natasha:** I’ll call you peter if you call me Nat, deal?

 **Underoos:** deal!!

 **Underoos:** :DD

 **Underoos:** wait wait before we go

 **Natasha:** ?

 **Underoos:** does my file really say im selfless? :0

 **Natasha:** no, but Tony spamming me stories and voicemails about you does.

 **Underoos:** oh

 **Underoos:** wait, tony sends you my voICEMAILS?!

**Natasha is offline**

**Underoos:** Nat?!?!

 **Underoos:** nAT?!?!??!

**Natasha --- > You know who I am**

**You know who I am has sent 4 voicemails**

**You know who I am:** and I’m being honest he’s a really great kid Nat, just because he’s young doesn’t mean he can’t help others,

 **Natasha:** I know, tony.

 **Natasha:** I already talked to him. I’m taking him to Starbucks.

 **You know who I am:** oh

 **You know who I am:** that’s good

 **You know who I am:** so you’re cool with him? You won’t tell anyone his identity?

 **Natasha:** of course I won’t. He’s a good kid.

 **Natasha:** I knew that from the first screenshot you sent.

 **You know who I am:** good

 **You know who I am:** yeah, I guess _maybe_ sending over 13 pictures and 7 voicemails was a _bit_ too over the top.

 **Natasha:** can’t forget the 26 texts.

 **You know who I am:** obviously

**Natasha is offline.**

**You know who I am is offline.**

**-Abengers Chat-**

**Merida, #1BIRD, Magnet, and America are online.**

**Merida:** and so like, because of that now the chair AND the table is on fire,

**You know who I am, Natasha, and Underoos are online.**

**You know who I am:** wait the what now

 **America:** Hello Tony, Natasha, and Spider-man.

 **Underoos:** hi Mr America!

 **Magnet:** pFFT

 **You know who I am:** as much as I would l o v e to get into what just happened I have to ask im sorry wh at was on fire?!

 **Merida:** okay so like after Spidey left we were all kinda confusion right

 **Merida:** and then Sam asked “wh y is level 86 b u r n t”

 **Merida:** and so I recounted the tale of why

 **You know who I am:** level 86 is burnt?!

 **Underoos:** Mr stark plea se I _need_ to hear this story

 **You know who I am:** no, kid I need to go deal with a possible _f i r e._

 **Underoos:** : (

 **You know who I am:** oh god

 **Natasha:** you made him sad

 **Underoos:** :'(

 **Natasha:** he’s crying now

 **You know who I am:** wait no

 **Underoos:** :''(

 **You know who I am:** please stop oh god

 **Natasha:** you know what you have to do

**You know who I am:**

**You know who I am:** fine

 **Underoos:** :3

 **Natasha:** crisis averted

 **You know who I am:** storytell away

 **Merida:** _FINALLY!!_

 **Merida:** okay so basically

 **Merida:** I woke up and wanted some toast right

 **Magnet:** mhm

 **Merida:** and so I put in some toast

 **Merida:** but then I realize it was a poptart with the plastic still on instead

 **America:** oh no-

 **Merida:** and im panicking and MUCH more awake because the toaster is on f i r e so I throw the toaster into the bucket of water nearby the chairs that I always have

 **Underoos:** at least the fire is out?

 **Merida:** right?? You would t h i n k

 **#1BIRD:** oh I remember this part

 **Merida:** so I look but it turns out that the cleaning lady came the night before and moved my _bucket_ so I just threw the on fire toaster into the chair which is now aLSO on fire

 **Merida:** so now im panicking even more

 **Underoos:** as anyone would

 **Merida:** right so like im over here shrieking and all of a sudden I have an Idea™

 **#1BIRD:** the fact that you had to trademark that makes me sad

 **Merida:** so y’know how people step on fires to put them out? What if I found the equivalent of a shoe to step on the ever increasing fire?

 **Underoos:** oh god was it the table

 **You know who I am:** kid I think it was the table

 **Merida:** IT WAS THE T A B L E

 **Merida:** but now because of that the chair AND the table is on fire

 **Natasha:** Clint sometimes you do things that make me question how you became a spy, but now you do things that make me question how you’re even alive

 **Underoos:** wow you’re going to need some really good medicine to heal that sick burn

 **You know who I am:** haha nice

**Underoos:**

**Underoos:** and probably the burns you got from doing this

 **Merida:** yeah probably

 **Merida:** ANYWAY

 **Merida:** so I finally decide it’s the time to leave the floor because half of it is on fire

 **Natasha:** finally a smart thing

 **Merida:** and after I leave Friday just turns on the sprinklers

 **You know who I am:** Friday saves the day again

 **Underoos:** aand on an unrelated topic Fridays save my entire week because I think if I had to live through an entire week of school with no day named Friday I would have to slurp my kneecaps

 **You know who I am:** wh

 **You know who I am:** wh at

 **Underoos:** slurp slurp mr stark

 **Underoos:** slurp slurp

**Underoos is offline**

**You know who I am:** kid?!?!

**You know who I am is offline**

**Merida:** right after that slightly haunting text

 **Natasha:** and slightly haunting story

 **Merida:** yeah I’m going to go

**Merida is offline**

**Magnet:** same

**Magnet and America are offline**

**#1BIRD:** guess it’s just you and me Nat

**Natasha is offline**

**#1BIRD:** wow I’m so lonely I can’t believe you guys would do me like this

**#1BIRD is offline**


	2. So, you got detention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter adopts a dog and the chat is chaos

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woah! was not expecting so many people to read the last chapter :0 I finished this one quickly though- Hope you enjoy!! :D
> 
> CHARACTERS   
> Underoos: Peter Parker  
> America: Steve Rodgers  
> Magnet: Bucky Barnes  
> You know who I am: Tony Stark  
> Merida: Clint Barton  
> #1BIRD: Sam Wilson   
> Natasha/Mama Spider: Natasha Romanoff  
> Dr. Banner: Bruce Banner   
> uwu: Wade Wilson  
> CEO: Pepper Potts

**-Abengers Chat-**

**Underoos, Dr.Banner, You know who I am, and five others are online**

**Underoos:** do you ever just look at someone named Flash and wonder if they would want to stay on mars far away from human contact for the rest of their lives

 **Dr.Banner:** um? No? Do you?

 **Underoos:** aldkfhldafhlf hi wrong chat

 **You know who I am:** kid who’s flash?

 **Underoos:** I have acknowledged that Mr stark is asking a question, but given that it a stupid and unnecessary ass question I have elected to ignore it

 **Underoos:** BuT aLSO HI Dr. Banner I’ve read all your papers in gamma radiation and my science teacher has a picture of you above the clock in our classroom

 **Br. Banner:** oh! Thanks Spider-man.

 **Underoos:** she put it up there after a kid almost exploded the lab; she said maybe if someone with brain cells was looking down on us we would be less stupid

 **Magnet:** your teacher called you stupid?

 **Underoos:** no she said “ignorant” but we all know that’s the adult way of saying stupid

 **America:** that’s not a very good method of teaching, she should teach the kid not to set fires.

 **Underoos:** no no you don’t understand this teacher is our only source of excitement in the school she’s the best

 **Merida:** mooooood

 **America:** still.

 **Underoos:** I can feel your disappointing gaze from my apartment but let me tell you I am immune to you mr, _“sO, yOu gOt dEtEntiON”_

 **Natasha:** what?

 **Underoos:** you guys haven’t heard about the psas??

 **America:** spider-man don’t do this

 **Underoos:** I have finally found a way to get revenge for the hours of my life wasted listening to them

 **You know who I am:** kid???

 **Underoos:** I must confer with my board

**Underoos is offline**

**#1BIRD:** um???

**-Losers + Mj-**

**SbiderParker:** I summon the board

 **Common sense:** based on the fact that it is 3 am somewhere, I have the rights to a lawyer against these crimes of making me reach to get my phone

 **Guyinachair:** the board hath been summoned

 **SbiderParker:** so like I could choose to send Captain’s psas to the Avengers chat

 **Common sense:** yes do it

 **Guyinachair:** you have an avengers chat?! What even is your life dude

 **SbiderParker:** I know right

 **SbiderParker:** crazy man

 **Common sense:** im logging off now

 **SbiderParker:** awe Mj you know you love us!!

**Common sense is offline**

**SbiderParker:** I feel so loved

 **Guyinachair:** wanna come over next Saturday to work on a new Lego set? This one looks like iron man’s helmet

 **SbiderParker:** totally, how many pieces?

 **Guyinachair:** like 4,000!

 **SbiderParker:** see you then?

 **Guyinachair:** yeah!

 **SbiderParker:** meeting hath been adjourned

**Guyinachair and SbiderParker are offline**

**-Abengers Chat-**

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos has sent 5 links**

**Underoos:** I am the creator of destruction

**Underoos: offline**

**You know who I am:** I don’t know why im not surprised

 **Merida:** JHGSAJHDGHDALSHDGHDSL THIS IS COMEDIC G O L D

 **Magnet:** Steve, I want to let you know that I will never understand the decisions you made when you came out of the ice, but I’ll always support you.

 **America:** Aw, thank you Bucky.

 **Magnet:** … _but_ at the same time this is hilarious and I will hold it over your head forever

 **America:** saw that one coming

 **Merida:** my new ringtone is going to be one of these clips Steve you _cannot_ stop me

 **Natasha** : these videos are ‘lawful good’, and the high schoolers made it into ‘chaotic neutral’

 **You know who I am:** h

 **You know who I am:** how do you know memes

 **Natasha** : , **#̵̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̮̳̩̳̥̳̪̳̗̳̹̳̄̉̂͊̉@̵̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̗̳̙̳̳̳̼̳̘̳̳̳̳̔͜ͅ*̷̧̳̳̳͉̳̳̹̳̳̳̖̳̟̳̽(̶̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͔̳̺̳̘̳̓͛̏̊%̸̛̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͓̳̮̳̳͇̳͖̳̆͊̈́͐̉͜͠** been giving me classes

 **You know who I am: @Underoos** , you proud?

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos:** oh my goodness Miss Nat this is a wondrous occasion can I _please_ change your name

 **Natasha:** …fine

 **Merida:** someone’s whipped lol

 **Natasha:** I _will_ stab you don’t test me

**Underoos has changed Natasha’s Name To: Mama Spider**

**Underoos:** do you like it? (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧

 **Mama Spider:** kid I love it its amazing

 **Underoos** : awe im so happy!!! I _do_ have to keep swinging home though. I’ll talk to you guys later!!

**Underoos is offline**

**Mama Spider:** if anyone says anything slightly offensive about this name and hurts Spidey’s feelings I will personally come to your homes and fill them up with glitter

 **#1BIRD:** nat you wouldn’tt

 **Mama Spider** : those glittery specks will stay in your house and clothing long after he’s forgiven you

 **Magnet:** wh

 **Mama Spider:** I know where everyone lives

 **You know who I am:** I have never read something so haunting that I agree with

**Mama Spider: : )**

**Mama Spider is offline**

**Merida:** so like im kind of scared but also I want a nickname :0

 **You know who I am:** don’t worry about it, im sure Spidey will give you one tomorrow

 **Merida:** nice!!

**You know who I am and Merida are offline**

**Dr. Banner:** I just realized I left my phone on while I was working. I’ll see you all at dinner.

**Dr. Banner is offline**

**Magnet:** guess that’s my Que. Want to go Get food ready For Dinner Steve?

 **America:** sure.

**Magnet and America are offline**

**#1BIRD:** wow you all keep just lEaVinG me here

**#1BIRD is offline**

**~*~*~**

**-Abengers Chat-**

**4:26 pm**   
  


**Underoos is online**

**Underoos** : its Wednesday my dudes

 **Underoos:** sooo umm

**You know who I am, Merida, Mama Spider, and Magnet are online**

**You know who I am:** my co parent senses are tingling

 **You know who I am:** did you do anything stupid Spidey?!

 **Underoos:** co parent??

 **You know who I am:** what

 **Underoos:** what

**You know who I am:**

**Underoos:**

**Underoos:** anyway

 **Underoos:** so like what would you say if I had a friend who hypothetically adopted a dog off the streets?

**You know who I am: …..**

**Merida:** Spidey did you adopt a dog off the streets

**Underoos:**

**Underoos:** no

 **Mama Spider:** well then does this friend you have have an apartment that allows dogs?

 **Underoos:** I mean it’s completely hypothetical that they adopted a dog in the first place

 **Magnet:** … spidey?

 **Underoos:** nothefriendosnthaveapetfriendlyapartment

 **You know who I am** : all I ask for is one normal day **-**

 **Underoos** : mr stark pleaseee I was hoping Jip could stay at the Compound! Or the tower!

 **You know who I am** : kid im not adopting a dog

 **Underoos:** but when I got out of the dumpster that I fell in Jip licked my face!!!

 **Underoos:** how could I say no???

 **Mama Spider: #̵̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̮̳̩̳̥̳̪̳̗̳̹̳̄̉̂͊̉@̵̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̗̳̙̳̳̳̼̳̘̳̳̳̳̔͜ͅ*̷̧̳̳̳͉̳̳̹̳̳̳̖̳̟̳̽(̶̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͔̳̺̳̘̳̓͛̏̊%̸̛̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͓̳̮̳̳͇̳͖̳̆͊̈́͐̉͜͠** do you fall in dumpsters often??

 **Underoos:** I mean sometimes yeah

 **Underoos:** but that isn’t the point here!!

 **Underoos:** _pleeeaaaasssseeeeee_ mr stark ill even stop scaring you from the ceilings during lab time

 **You know who I am:** hm

 **You know who I am:** im intrigued

 **Underoos:** :000

 **Merida:** :0000000

 **You know who I am:** im considering it

 **Underoos:** :00!!!

**You know who I am: …**

**You know who I am:** fine

 **Underoos:** YAY Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!

 **Underoos:** ill bring jip over as soon as I give this precious doggo a bath!!!!

 **Underoos:** you’re the best dad!

**Underoos is offline**

**Magnet:** Aw stark he called you dadddd

 **Mama Spider:** Tony is unable to respond right now as of the water leaking out of his eyes

 **You know who I am:** wow npt teue

 **Mama Spider:** right- im going to go help spidey wash his new dog

 **Mama Spider:** I’ll be back in an hour

**Mama Spider is offline**

**You know who I am:** oh shoot I have to go tell pepper im adopting

**You know who I am is offline**

**Magnet:** the dog or the kid?

 **Merida:** stark?!

 **Magnet:** well now I have to go find him and ask

**Magnet is offline**

**Merida:** hm

 **Merida:** wAIT

 **Merida:** I never got my nicknameeeeee

**Merida is offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Legend has it Clint is still searching for a nickname today


	3. New backpack, who's the intern?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey there!! I hope everyone had a great week :D   
> CHARACTERS   
> Underoos: Peter Parker  
> America: Steve Rodgers  
> Magnet: Bucky Barnes  
> You know who I am: Tony Stark  
> Merida/Birb Uncle: Clint Barton  
> #1BIRD: Sam Wilson   
> Mama Spider: Natasha Romanoff  
> Dr. Banner: Bruce Banner   
> uwu: Wade Wilson  
> CEO: Pepper Potts

**-Abengers Chat-**

**4:48 AM**

**Merida is online**

**Merida:** GUYS SOMEONES BACKPACK IS IN THE COMMON ROOM

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos:** that’s where it went?

 **Merida:** w h a t

 **Underoos:** what

**Underoos is offline**

**Merida: @Underoos** get bACK HERE

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos:** no

**Underoos is offline**

**Merida:** you visit us and we didn’t kNOW?!?!

**You know who I am and Mama Spider are online**

**Mama Spider Kicked Merida**

**Merida is offline**

**Mama Spider added Merida**

**You know who I am:** wh

 **You know who I am:** how??? you don’t have admin???

 **Mama Spider:** and?

**You know who I am:**

**You know who I am:** right

**You know who I am and Mama Spider are offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**1:04 PM**

**#1BIRD is online**

**#1BIRD:** guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys guys gUYS

**Underoos, Mama Spider, and 2 others are online**

**Underoos:** what?  
 **#1BIRD:** some kid is on the couch

 **Underoos:** an I oop

**Underoos is offline**

**America:** A kid? Is anyone expecting visitors?

 **Mama Spider:** what does the kid look like?

 **#1BIRD:** they turned off their phone

 **#1BIRD:** oh they have like curly brown hair? Brown eyes?

 **#1BIRD:** they kinda look 12

 **Mama Spider:** well this is an interesting turn of events

 **America:** Why does that sound like you know what’s going on?

 **#1BIRD:** bold of you to assume she doesn’t know what’s going on

 **#1BIRD:** im going to go talk to him

 **America:** Maybe don’t go up to the intruder?

 **#1BIRD:** the kid looks like he’s 12 don’t think he’s coming here to hurt us lol

 **America:** Maybe it’s one of Clint’s kids?

 **#1BIRD:** I don’t think so- he’s shown me pictures of them

 **#1BIRD:** k going to talk to him now

**#1BIRD, America, and 1 other is offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**1:31 PM**

**#1BIRD, Mama Spider, and 3 others are online**

**#1BIRD:** so like the kid was really nice??

 **You know who I am:** wait what kid?

 **Mama Spider:** scroll up

 **America:** If me and @Magnet weren’t at Walmart right now, then I would have probably went and met him

 **You know who I am:** we?? Have online delivery?

**Magnet is online**

**Magnet:** Steve help I can’t find the exit?!

 **America:** Bucky I’ve been waiting by the exit for 25 minutes how?

 **Magnet:** and I’ve been Looking for the Exit For thirty?! I'm stuck in The “poptart” isle Help

 **#1BIRD:** wow I hate the way you type

**America and Magnet are offline**

**Underoos:** pls continue the story : 0

 **#1BIRD:** yeah so

 **#1BIRD:** he said he was an intern for Stark? And like was really polite and stuff

 **#1BIRD:** we talked for awhile before he got called by Friday to do something

 **#1BIRD:** im surprised though, Tony you never hire interns?

 **#1BIRD:** and he was like only 14

 **You know who I am:** 15

 **Mama Spider:** 15

 **#1BIRD:** woah you guys have met him?

 **Underoos:** _yeah_ g u y s you guys have met him?

 **You know who I am:** I mean, im his boss

 **#1BIRD:** nat?

 **Mama Spider:** im a spy.

 **Underoos:** speaking of spies

 **Underoos:** wheres clint?

 **Mama Spider:** oh he’s visiting his family today. 

**Underoos:** okay! Imma change his user >:D

**Underoos has changed Merida’s username to Birb Uncle**

**You know who I am:** Im surprised, I didn’t think you’d embrace the whole ‘avengers family’ thing?

 **Underoos:** nah im just vibing with it at this point

 **#1BIRD:** nice

 **Underoos:** soon all the Abengers nicknames will be spidered >: )

 **You know who I am:** there it is

 **Mama Spider:** spidered?

 **Underoos:** I was on the spot okay don’t judge mee

 **You know who I am** : kay- well I have to go plan a lunch for Pepper, I promised I’d take her somewhere nice yesterday.

 **Underoos:** mr stark you’d better give ms pepper the best flipping lunch of her entire decade because she deserves the world and is a q u e e n >:0

 **You know who I am:** you got it kid.

**You know who I am is offline**

**Mama Spider:** Clint’s calling me- ill be online later

**Mama Spider is offline**

**#1BIRD:** wow just abandon me like this

 **#1BIRD:** all around me are familiar facessssss

 **Underoos:** ew mr sam sir no offence but that is literally the oldest meme you could have picked

**Underoos is offline**

**#1BIRD:** hhhhhhhhhh

**#1BIRD is offline**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!


	4. #PleaseStopGhostingNickFury

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Afksghdfgkdsjafhgkashdf 100 people left kudos!!! and 1000+ people have read my story- Thats insane!!  
> When I started the story I was not expecting this many people to read it!! Its surreal. Thank you so much for the support!!  
> I hope you enjoy the chapter :D  
> CHARACTERS  
> Underoos: Peter Parker  
> America: Steve Rodgers  
> Magnet: Bucky Barnes  
> You know who I am: Tony Stark  
> Birb Uncle: Clint Barton  
> #1BIRD: Sam Wilson  
> Mama Spider: Natasha Romanoff  
> Dr. Banner: Bruce Banner  
> uwu: Wade Wilson  
> CEO: Pepper Potts

**-Abengers Chat-**

**5:58 PM – Friday**

**You know who I am is online**

**You know who I am:** Has anyone heard from **@Underoos** today?

**Mama Spider and #1BIRD are online**

**Mama Spider:** No? Why?

 **You know who I am:** He’s usually come online and freaked us out with some insane story by now is all.

 **#1BIRD:** I mean you’re not wrong

 **Mama Spider:** hm.

**Mama Spider is offline**

**#1BIRD:** ominous

 **You know who I am:** Im going to go call him again, he’s usually pretty good at replying quickly. Could you keep an eye out for me on the chat?

 **#1BIRD:** Sure- I’ll keep my eye on notifications for my phone.

**#1BIRD and You know who I am are offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**6:21 PM – Friday**

**You know who I am:** can’t I put a tracker in his phone or something? What if he’s being an idiot and he’s hiding another injury?!

**America, #1BIRD, and 2 others are online**

**America:** another?!?

 **Mama Spider:** stop being such a helicopter parent, maybe he just forgot to plug in his phone.

 **#1BIRD:** parent?!?!

 **You know who I am:** I doubt it

 **You know who I am:** maybe I should just visit his apartment???

 **Mama Spider:** Tony…

 **#1BIRD:** im so confused

 **Mama Spider:** Pepper gave me access to her lockdown code I will not hesitate to use it

 **You know who I am:** mmm why tho

 **Mama Spider:** she knows you do stuff like this that’s why

 **You know who I am:** fine- I won’t visit.

 **You know who I am** : can I at least ask his friends if they know where he is?

 **Mama Spider:** …fine

**You know who I am is offline**

**#1BIRD:** I am still very confused??

 **America:** Me too.

 **Mama Spider** : don’t worry about it. Im sure by 8 Spider-man will have come online.

**Mama Spider, America, and 1 other are offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**7:29 PM – Friday**

**You know who I am is online**

**You know who I am is offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**8:04 PM – Friday**

**#1BIRD and You know who I am are online**

**#1BIRD:** well that comment didn’t age well **@Mama Spider**

**Mama Spider is online**

**Mama Spider:** **（╹ェ╹）**

 **#1BIRD:** nevermind

**America is online**

**America:** As much as I thought Tony might have been exaggerating before, the events of today leave me worried. Did his friends say anything **@You know who I am**?

 **You know who I am:** they said he came to school and seemed normal. They haven’t seen him since then though.

 **#1BIRD:** guys maybe we’re all being a bit too… what’s the word

 **#1BIRD:** stalkerish about this?

 **#1BIRD:** why don’t we just give him a while- maybe he’s just busy. He’s a teen after all.

 **#1BIRD:** we can ask him about it tomorrow.

 **Mama Spider:** fine

 **You know who I am:** fine

**You know who I am, America, and 2 others are offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**9:57 PM – Friday**

**You know who I am is online**

**You know who I am is offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**11:43 PM – Friday**

**Mama Spider is online**

**Mama Spider is offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**8:37 AM – Saturday**

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos: @Everyone**

**You know who I am, Mama Spider, and 4 others are online**

**You know who I am:** Kid!

 **Underoos:** SAHDLSUJHFDULA I AM S O SORRY

 **Underoos:** I WAS LATE FOR SCHOOL AND MY PHONE DIED AND I MISSED THE SUBWAY AND HAD TO SWIMG TO CLASS AND I DIDN’T HAVE TIME TO CHARGE IT BEFORE I HAD TO GO MEET A FRIEND SOMEWHERE

 **Mama Spider:** its fine **#̵̳̳̳̳̳̄̉̂** **͊** **̳̳̮̳̩̳̥̳̪̳̗̳̹̳̉@̵̢̳̳̳̳̳̗̳̙̳̳̳̼̳̘̳̳̔ͅ** **͜** **̨̳̳*̷̳̳̳̽** **͉** **̧̳̳̹̳̳̳̖̳̟̳(̶̳̳** **̓** **̳** **͛** **̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̏̊** **͔** **̳̺̳̘̳%̸̳̳̳̆** **͊** **̳̳̈́** **͐** **̛̳̳** **͠** **̳̳̉** **͓** **̳̮̳** **͜** **̳** **͇** **̳** **͖** **̳** , we were just worried is all. 

**Underoos:** I scrolled up and aweeeee you guys were worried about mee!!!

 **You know who I am:** ‘course we were kid, you scared us

 **Magnet:** *tony

 **Magnet:** you scared tony

 **#1BIRD:** I saw you checking the texts off of Steve’s phone don’t you lie

 **Underoos:** exposeddddd

 **Underoos:** I have to go meet my friend Ned at his place, we’re going to hang out today!

 **Underoos:** ill be online later!

 **You know who I am:** bye kid

**Underoos and You know who I am are offline**

**Magnet: @#1BIRD** bet I could eat more of the leftover noodles we got yesterday

 **#1BIRD:** BET

**#1BIRD and Magnet are offline**

**America:** do you think Sam forgot about Bucky’s metabolism?

 **Mama Spider:** probably

 **Mama Spider:** should we go supervise?

 **America** : probably

**America and Mama Spider are offline**

* * *

**16 HOURS BEFORE**

* * *

Peter sprinted into the small café that’s address was written on the yellow sticky note he held clutched in his palm. Glancing around the room, he settled to sit down at a table near the back of the establishment, far from curious eyes. He nervously bounced his leg as he waited for his friend to show up. Finally, his eyes rested on a man in a black eyepatch walk to the table.

With a smile, Peter waved him over.

“Hey Mr. Fury!”

* * *

“Anyway, so then Clint started explaining how he set the table on fire-”

“Peter” Nick Fury interrupted as Peter clamped his mouth shut. “While I do enjoy hearing about all the antics of the Avengers, I didn’t ask you to come early to our weekly meet up for that reason.”

Peter looked up from his menu at the man seated in front of him, absentmindedly folding a napkin in his hand. With a casual tone and a curious look, Peter asked. “So… what _did_ you call me up here for?”

Nick heaved a sigh and tiredly rubbed his temples, possibly to ward off a headache. In a low voice, he continued his message. “We have reason to believe that someone may be attempting to discover and leak your identity.”

Peter nervously rubbed his leg as he blinked slowly. Nick noticed as the teen in front of him attempted to calm himself before eventually, meeting his eyes.

“They can’t actually get it though… right?” Peter finally responded quietly.

Nick heaved a sigh. He knew this was coming, but it pained him to have to say it anyway.

“With the resources they have, Spider-man…”

Peter’s head snapped back up to look at him dead on, now hanging on his every word.

“They might actually get it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No one:  
> Sam: that comment didnt age well oop  
> Natasha: I heard u were talkin sh-
> 
> Also  
> No one:  
> me: *shoves plot onto an innocent texting fic* whoops 
> 
> But! Random note, Im going on a haitus for a week or two- I have to focus on my studies for a bit but once I get back into the groove of things ill go back to uploading frequently!!
> 
> Anyway. Thanks for reading!! Have a great day :D


	5. Magnets, Dogs, And Snickerdoodle Cookies

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As Clint says later in the chapter, "I'm back boisss!" Sorry for the wait.  
> Without further ado, here are the characters for today's chapter!  
> Underoos: Peter Parker  
> America: Steve Rodgers  
> Magnet: Bucky Barnes  
> You know who I am / Mr. Steak: Tony Stark  
> Birb Uncle: Clint Barton  
> #1BIRD: Sam Wilson  
> Mama Spider: Natasha Romanoff  
> Dr. Banner: Bruce Banner  
> uwu: Wade Wilson  
> CEO: Pepper Potts
> 
> I hope you guys enjoy the chapter!

**Abengers Chat-**

**4:57 PM – Monday**

**Bird Uncle is online**

**Bird Uncle: @Everyone** im back boissssssss

 **Bird Uncle** : wait why is my name different

**You know who I am and Underoos are online**

**You know who I am:** scroll up

 **Bird Uncle:** OH MY GOD I GOT A **_NICKNAME_**

 **Bird Uncle:** FUCK YEAH

 **You know who I am:** there are people under 21 in this chat watch your darn language >:0

 **Underoos:** yeah Clint what the fuck

**Magnet is online**

**Magnet:** yeah watch your fucking language

**#1BIRD is online**

**#1BIRD** : me and Steve are on a walk and I just saw him deadpan, “they’re being idiots I _know_ it”

 **Underoos** : how do you know it was us? Maybe Steve just has some other chaotic definitely adult children that have a chat and cause chaos on the daily

 **You know who I am: :** /

 **Underoos:** yeah it sounds like a stretch to me too

 **Underoos:** asfkfrgrg

 **#1BIRD** : ?

 **Underoos:** justgotpunchedgottablast!!

**Underoos is offline**

**#1BIRD:** I am slightly concerned

 **Bird Uncle:** ha jokes on you I have a n i c k n a m e

 **You know who I am:** As **#̵̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̮̳̩̳̥̳̪̳̗̳̹̳̄̉̂͊̉@̵̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̗̳̙̳̳̳̼̳̘̳̳̳̳̔͜ͅ*̷̧̳̳̳͉̳̳̹̳̳̳̖̳̟̳̽(̶̢̨̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͔̳̺̳̘̳̓͛̏̊%̸̛̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳̳͓̳̮̳̳͇̳͖̳̆͊̈́͐̉͜͠** would say it…

 **You know who I am:** “We been knew”

 **Bird Uncle:** wow please tell me im not the only one who hated that

 **#1BIRD:** no no I hated it too

 **You know who I am:** what??

 **Bird Uncle:** wow look at the timeeeee time to sKrRT

 **#1BIRD:** yep bye tonyyyyyyyy

 **You know who I am:** really guys-

**#1BIRD and Bird Uncle are offline**

**You know who I am:** well I feel betrayed

**You know who I am is offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**7:38 AM –Tuesday  
  
**

**Underoos and Mama Spider are online**

**Underoos:** hey **@Everyone** so quickly before I chicken out Uhh

 **You know who I am:** oh my god were you stabbed

 **Underoos:** what?! No!!

 **Mama Spider:** Tony _why_ was that your first guess?

 **You know who I am:** you know how he gets!! If anything your like his fifth co-parent

 **Underoos:** what?! Co-parent?!?!

 **Underoos:** you know what?? Im just going to move on-

 **Underoos:** You guys remember Jip right??

 **You know who I am:** …yes?

 **Underoos:** he’s lost and I don’t know where he is **:** **(**

 **Mama Spider:** don’t worry молодой паук- we’ll find your dog.

 **You know who I am:** we?!

 **Underoos:** thank you so much you guys!!! I have to go to class now- Mr Stark ill change your name when I get back if you want!!

**Underoos is offline**

**You know who I am:** seriously Nat? Today’s the one day I have meetings all week and pepper will have my head if I don’t go.

 **Mama Spider:** oh come on, as if you weren’t planning on blowing it off anyway.

 **You know who I am:** Touché.

**You know who I am and Mama Spider are offline**

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**12:17 PM –Tuesday  
  
**

**#1BIRD is online**

**#1BIRD:** hey so I just came online right

 **#1BIRD:** and I scrolled up and uh… isn’t it a bit odd that Spider-man of all people would have to attend class? And at so early?

**America, Dr. Banner, and 1 other is online**

**America:** As much as I dislike the thought, maybe Spider-Man isn’t as old as we thought? Tony does call him kid.

 **Bird Uncle:** just because Tony calls the guy ‘Kid’ all the time doesn’t mean he is one though. I’ve seen Tony call a scientist a couple years younger than him kid. On live television.

 **#1BIRD:** yeah, but why would Spider-man need to go to class if he wasn’t young?

 **Dr. Banner:** Maybe he’s in college or something.

 **#1BIRD:** maybe. I doubt it though- have you seen the guy fight? When I was in college I wasn’t doing that, that’s for sure.

 **Bird Uncle:** and you think you were doing more similar things to what he’s doing now when you were in high school? Or even middle school?

 **#1BIRD:** I guess not, but just keep an eye open, that’s all im saying.

 **America:** I guess it wouldn’t hurt.

 **Dr. Banner:** I’m going to go back to working in the lab. Tag me if you need anything.

**Dr. Banner is offline**

**Bird Uncle:** hey hey hey hey saaaam

 **#1BIRD:** …what?

 **Bird Uncle:** ive been back for hours and nat vanished so can we pleaseeeee play Mario karttt???

 **#1BIRD:** Nat usually plays Mario kart?

 **Bird Uncle:** I mean no we usually spar but I’d beat you, easy

 **#1BIRD:** is that a bET?!

 **Bird Uncle:** I dunno, iS IT?!

 **America:** here we go again

 **#1BIRD:** meet me in the training room in five!!

 **Bird Uncle:** make it four!

**Bird Uncle and #1BIRD are offline**

**America:** im going to go find **@Magnet**

**America is offline**

* * *

Usually Steve was pretty good at finding people. Thanks to his hearing he could easily hear two or three floors down, so it never really crossed his mind that even in wandering the hallways of the tower, he wouldn’t be able to find anyone. It was an odd predicament- that was for sure- and even when he asked Friday where Bucky was she didn’t give him a straightforward answer.

Come to think of it, it did seem like she was laughing when she told him that, “ _No, Captain Rodgers, Sargent Barnes has prevented me from alerting you his position.”_

Could A.I’s even laugh? He’d have to ask Tony about it later.

Giving a huff of annoyance, he turned around and was about to start checking the floors again before he heard a bark of laughter coming from the closed door to his left.

As he slowly turned around and awkwardly looked through the doorframe to see what caused the noise, he had to do a double take when he saw what was going on.

Lo and behold, there was a masked Spider-Man and Bucky, chatting away with their backs turned to the door on the sofa.

Steve quietly shuffled inside to get a better look at what they were doing, and let a small smile grace his features once he realized that Spider-Man was attempting to stick small Avenger Magnets onto Bucky’s metal arm.

Based on what he could tell, so far there were three shields on it, a couple Iron-Man Repulsors, and what he assumed was a slightly-bent bow and arrow.

And so, he snapped a photo of the domestic scene with a smile on his face and silently left the room. Maybe if he sent it to Natasha she’d make some of her famous snickerdoodle cookies for desert.

* * *

**-Abengers Chat-**

**5:43 PM –Tuesday  
  
**

**Underoos is online**

**Underoos:** so guys I know you are all really busy and stuff but like I have a small tiny bit of an issue and ikindaneedhelpwithitinlessthan24hours

**You know who I am, Bird Uncle, and 4 others are online**

**Underoos:** hey Mr. stark weren’t you and miss Nat looking for my dog?

 **You know who I am:** I can multitask

 **Underoos:** anyway

 **Underoos:** so im pretty sure someone out there actually uh

 **America:** Actually what?

 **Underoos:** someone out there might have the technology to find out my identity.

 **#1BIRD:** wait- seriously?

 **Underoos:** right!!

 **Underoos:** but anyway im really nervous and im trying to get them off my back

 **Mama Spider:** and you think that by going to your apartment that person might put it together faster?

 **Underoos:** basically

 **Underoos:** and I was wondering um

 **Underoos:** I know it’s a lot to ask but could I stay at the tower for a couple days? Maybe until it dies down a bit? Please?

 **You know who I am:** kid, you know you’re welcome over here anytime right?

 **You know who I am:** of course you can stay here.

 **Underoos:** really!!!

 **Underoos:** thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you Mr. steak!!!

 **Bird Uncle:** BAHAHAHAHA MR STEAK

 **Underoos:** OH MY GOSH IT AUTOCORRECTED I AM S O SORRY

 **#1BIRD:** IM CHANGING YOUR NAME RIGHT NOW AHAHAHAHA

 **Magnet:** THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING-

 **You know who I am:** Sam don’t you d a r e-

**#1BIRD has changed You know who I am’s name to Mr. Steak**

**Mr. Steak has changed their username to You know who I am**

**#1BIRD has changed You know who I am’s name to Mr. Steak**

**Mr. Steak has changed their username to You know who I am**

**#1BIRD has changed You know who I am’s name to Mr. Steak**

**America:** guys, please you’re clogging up the chat just leave the name as it is

 **Bird Uncle:** HA SAM GOT THE AMERICA DEFEAT ALL CARD

 **America:** the what

 **Underoos:** better luck next time Mr Steak (▰˘◡˘▰)

 **Mr. Steak:** Kid I can feel your smirk from here you _don’t_ need to put it into text

 **Underoos:** (▰˘◡˘▰)

**Underoos is offline**

**Mr. Steak:** Im not surprised

 **Mr. Steak:** Nat wanna come with me to pick up his stuff before we move it into the room?

 **Mama Spider:** sure.

 **Bird Uncle:** ooh can I come?

 **Mr. Steak:** and let you see where he lives? Nope.

 **Bird Uncle:** awe but Nat is going!!

 **Mr. Steak:** you seriously didn’t notice she knew who he is?

 **#1BIRD:** she wHAT

 **Mr. Steak:** earth’s mightiest heroes, everyone

 **Magnet:** …how..?

 **Mr. Steak:** She’s a spy. She knows everything.

 **Bird Uncle:** Im a spy??

 **Mr. Steak:** yeah but she’s Natasha _and_ a spy

 **Mr. Steak:** I swear if she, Pepper, and Spidey’s friend ever met the buissness world would be conquered in less than an hour.

 **America:** don’t you think that’s exaggerating a bit?

 **Mama Spider:** he’s not

 **Mr. Steak:** im not

 **Bird Uncle:** right slightly haunting moving on

 **Bird Uncle:** Sam you on for round 108? Bucky’s joining this one

 **#1BIRD:** wait Nat you still making those cookies when you get back?

 **Mama Spider:** yep.

 **#1BIRD:** then Clint, Bucky… you’re oN!

 **America:** you guys aren’t tired yet?? I don’t know about Bucky but I know you guys have been sparring like that for over three hours

 **#1BIRD:** yeah? just because we're exhausted doesn't mean we're going to stop, I mean we're _tied_

 **America:** kids these days

 **Bird Uncle:** HA ROUND’S STARTING YOU MISSED IT

 **#1BIRD:** DAMNIT

**#1BIRD, Bird Uncle, and 1 other is offline**

**America:** Right well that scares me… guess im off to supervise.

 **Mr. Steak:** see you around Cap.

**America is offline**

**Mr. Steak:** hey im on the corner of the street by the kid’s apartment in my suit- Where are you?

 **Mama Spider:** Im in an alleyway nearby- I think I found his dog.

 **Mr. Steak:** nice! Im meeting you there.

**Mr. Steak and Mama Spider are offline**

* * *

**EXTRA**

* * *

Avengers Watch _@TheDailyAvengerSpottings_

**BREAKING NEWS**

**Iron-Man and The Black Widow sighted flying over Queens carrying a dog! Are the Avengers slacking off? What could this mean for the future of the Avengers??**

  * MyfriendscallmeMJ _@MJones09_



Dude it just means the avengers like dogs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcannon that Natasha got really good at baking while she was at the tower, no one can tell me otherwise xD
> 
> But yeah! I hope you enjoyed the chapter, next one's coming out soon.
> 
> Stay safe everyone!  
> -That1punnystoryteller


End file.
